Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It's been a while since I last posted.  Quite a bit has gone on since then.  I've decided to drop Engineering for Physics only to be hit by a horrid urge of responsibility [the bane of all college kids!  Blast you!] and now the desire to pull this GPA out of the fireball it's become.  If I listen to the right punk music [We The Kings for instance] I almost believe that it's possible.  I wonder if I can succeed at even passing some of these courses, nevermind the idea of excelling.  However, I...want to.  Been a while since I felt that.

If nothing else, this experience has taught me that God is always my first priority.  Yet, I have an opportunity here to be a wonderful engineer [the fact that I loathe the career is beside the point!].  I'm still looking into physics, but I think I need to try a lot more with this degree while I still can.

I have no deep theological thought for tonight.  Except that I am afraid that I am more and more the patron saint of lost causes.  Although the official title belongs to St. Jude, and I dare not steal that from him, I wonder if that's not my calling:  To seek out the hopeless and desperate.  Because I have been one of them.  And sometimes, I still am.  Without Christ, 
not even an engineer.  He shall get us all through this.  And may the praise from all of us lost
causes bring a brighter dawn, as we know that all things are good that come from the Father.

Note:  I've come up with two band names I think are awesome.  Mayhaps I might even use one for when [yes, when NOT if] I get my band together:  "Incoming Front" [heck "Incoming!" is awesome too...] and "The Transfer Function".

My Honor Is My Life,

-Sword

Friday, February 15, 2008

For all those who wander...

Every man has his calling.
I have several friends who have been called into the minstry, and I salute them.
It is an honorable calling.  I know others who are going into Engineering, as I was supposed to.
God bless them with that.  They will excel, and give him glory.  And there are those who are called
to the dangerous choice of "liberal arts" and the cold wet cardboard box they shall call their home
[I'm just teasing you Pinecone.  You'll live off your hubby instead!].  All these choices are so clear,
defined and unvariable.  And therefore, not for me.

I am called to wander.

I am a seeker.  I seek truth, righteousness, glory and honor.  All of these lie in the hands of my
Father.  And so therefore, I seek him.  I would be lying if I said it is an easy journey.  In fact, it
has been more difficult than any Puritan preacher could have ever described it to be.  And yet,
here I am.  Finding my way, with every second thrilling, depressing, exhilerating, and exhausting.  Nothing compares to this journey.  And it shouldn't.  But this path is spiritual.
Although it does translate into the temporal realm through my life of service, it does not tell me
what milk to buy at the grocers or whom to elect as president.  And it doesn't tell me what
I should persue as a major.  And with this, I am perplexed.

I had thought, that God would lead me where I should go.  And he has.  I must tell you sometime
of the many instances where God has countered my every move until I have no where left to go
except where he would have me [it must be hell trying to play him at chess].  But now, I have options.  As a wanderer, I see this not as a joyful indulgance of choice, but rather as a question:
Do I have a choice?  Or will my moves simply be predictated again? [Welcome to McChrist's!  How would you like your theology today?  Calvanistic or Arminian?]  Honestly, it doesn't matter.  I must only follow my calling [is any one else asking "What the hell does that mean?"?].

I thought that I was never going to be a missionary.  I could never see myself in some foriegn country talking about some guy who lived 2000 years ago to people who really didn't care about the spiritual when their lives were falling apart around them.  Yet, now, I feel compelled to do something.  And I see a foreign country just outside my door.

I don't know where the church went, but somewhere between Augustine and Alexander Campbell, it went into hibernation.  I, wanderer, have decided that here is my mission:  To bring Christ to all, wherever my feet take me.  And now, I must choose a major that will allow me to do just that:  Save the world.  That doesn't sound daunting at all...

I love God.  More than my heart can cry out through all eternity.  Of late, I've come to a decision:
I am leaving engineering.  I know not what I will persue next, but I will find it.  I am thinking
phyics and journalism.  But only the Lord knows.

And for those of you who actually read this post, I'm sorry about this stupid text wrapping problem.  I'm working on fixing it, but who knows how long that will take.
If you are reading this via RSS feed...you shouldn't have that problem.

My Honor Is My Life,

-Sword

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

God isn't a Capitalist [or an American for that matter...]

Belief is an odd idea.  Belief in itself means nothing.  And yet it can radically change our perspective.  I remember wearing a pair of prisms over my eyes for physics class.  It inverts your vision.  
It was a pain to learn to walk again.  Yet soon, with practice, you became accostomed to it.  And then, when you removed the prisms, you had to re-learn reality.  Belief is the same way.  
There is a period of odd transistion between what you thought life was before and what you know it to be now.  For some, they never find reality.  
They are lost forever in the turmoil between, in the ether of unguided and unbalanced life.  
For those people, I truly weep.  
I have a friend who is very close to me who falls into this category.  
I can only pray that he will realize that you don't find answers 
searching with your eyes closed.  
You only end up with cut hands and skinned kness 
[a spiritual stubbed toe if you will.]

But for those who continue on and force ourselves to find the reason behind the "paradigm shift" [curse you Edwards!] and the deeper 
understanding that comes with it, 
we find a world of infinte complexity and a wonderous creation 
that glorifies the Father with every breath.
 
For me...I've realized something.  Jesus meant what he said.  Stunning no?  
Yet, it has come to my attention that we have contextualized and translated and interrperated until we can gloss over 
those sections we don't like [The rich young ruler anyone?].  If we desire to serve God, 
then we must do what is asked of us.  How can we expect salvation when we sit on our leather 
comfort suite and debate about the nature of God when the poor sleep in the streets?  
Or God's children butcher themselves in Africa?  Or the middle east?

So what do I propose?  Not everyone is a missionary.  Not everyone can carry the sword of truth
with a gentleness and love and still strike a man to save his soul.  But we all may be a servant to our fellow man.  It is a highly un-American idea.  In fact, I doubt that many will ever adopt this path.  But the way is narrow.  
It saddens me to think of what we teach our children in "church" today:  Sit in the pew, honey.  
Sing these songs.  This is worship.  This is life.  What a dreadful and boring life!  Living 9-5 workin in a cubicle.  God does not care about money or the carnal and temporal trappings with which we dress ourselves.  God demands service.

This is my paradigm:  Serve.  I've always wanted to do so.  I've just never thought to make it my primary goal in life.  I am reading The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne.  I had a friend tell me once that something honestly "changed his life".  
To be honest, Christianity has never "changed" me.  But this calling has.  

Because I am giving up Christianity to follow Christ.

Organized religion is the most corrupt and evil entity in the world today.  
If the apostles were alive today...they would be horrifed.  And I'm certain some fire from heaven would engulf certain congregations.  It's time for a revolution.  It's time to change the world.  
Stand up.  Now.  

I want to leave you with a startling line from Coheed and Cambria, a band I enjoy.  
Although their message is anything from that of Christ, it is fitting for my current 
view of the "church" as we have made it.  If it is the bride of Christ, I feel he would say nearly the same thing:
"You could have been all I wanted, but you weren't honest, so get in the ground.  
But you're just as I presumed:  A whore in sheep's clothing, fucking up all I do." -Coheed and Cambria, "Welcome Home"

I pray that something will change.  I pray that we will be Christ to the world.  Like we were supposed to be.  Else, there is a war coming.  
And I will be standing with the angels, at Christ's side as the world burns.  Will you?

My Honor Is My Life,

-Sword

Sunday, February 10, 2008

A Thought on Reverie; Reverant Irrelevance

I believe in dreams.  Perhaps it is in their vivid expressions and the reflection they pose on my own feelings, or perhaps it is the history they have with the Jewish prophets and their relationship with God.  Perhaps it is my own insanity.  It doesn't really matter, I believe in dreams.

I can not help but notice the peculiarity in the sleeping mind.  Dreams are one of the few unexplained phenomena in our lives, and yet we accept them without question.  If only modern science could take a lesson from this.  Not everything needs an explanation.  

In personal opinion, I find dreams revelating.  Not so much as they provide answers, but as they provide me with the right questions.  Very much like Dr. Lanning from the movie adaptation of I, Robot.

It is in this category that "Freckles" falls.

Perhaps it is my mystic side that I believe so heavily in this.  Perhaps it is my hope for the future to become something in which I can have faith.  Perhaps it is my romantic idealism overflowing from my subconscious.  Perhaps it is an omen?

The bible warns us about not quelling the spirit's fire [1 Thessalonians 5:19], so why do we discount the highly mystical aspect of our lives that we have already accepted?  I am not advocating that we should try to divine anything from our dreams.  The last thing we need is another scam by which the church can use to abuse the faithful.  In all honesty, there is no greater evil in this world than the cross clutched in an iron fist.  I am only suggesting that mayhaps we have a connection with a deeper side of life, and it costs us nothing.  Nothing save a slight introspection.

Freckles is the only name I have for [literally] the girl of my dreams.  I've met her three times.  Each time, I wake up breathless.  I can almost hear her whisper in my ear, and I can smell her on my pillow.  Call me insane, but I believe that is something more than a vivid hallucination inspired by random impulses of my synapses and interpreted by my subconscious.

It is my goal to find her.  She exists.  I feel it.  I know it.  And I praise my Father for it.

Just to touch on a deeper issue,

What is with this idea that maturity is synonymous with a 
"lack of passion"?  I'm currently reading Uprising, a novel by Erwin McManus, and he addresses the topic thoroughly, but in a much more phyiscal sense.  I agree wholeheartedly!  When God created man, he did not intend for us to live a life of docile complacency living in the city suburbs without a care in the world.  Man was made for adventure.  Very similar to the ideas of Wild at Heart, I dare interdict that we all are made for something much greater than for what we settle.  I'll address this later.  As for now, I want to apply this same idea to that of our Father, God.  How dare we believe that a "mature" Christian is one who attends church every Sunday and asks no questions.  That a "mature" Christian is content with who he/she is.  That a "mature" individual is the one who blindly accepts the role that society has placed for them.  Is it any wonder then that we have so many failed attempts at finding joy when we force ourselves out of our passions?  We are called to love God.  When was the last time we went on a sojourn to better understand how GREAT our Father truly is?  Here's a challenge:  Go outside today and look for who God is, just in your surroundings.  It's surprising.  And in case you need a little more inspiration, I suggest "Under Bridges" by an amazing artist called Brave Saint Saturn.  They're difficult to find, but if you take a swing by your local Mardel you just might find them.

But this brings me to the juxtaposition of this post:  The organized church has created an illusory dream of amiable circumstance.  A horse wears blinders so as not to be frightened from the path the rider desires it to follow.  The church wears blinders so it can't see itself in the mirror.  We have become the modern day Pharisees, those "white-washed tombs" of malcontent and abusive power.  And we call it reverance.  I'm sure that God will reward you for your 'piety'.  In fact, he's picked out your reward already.  I think it's called "Hell".  Be wary.  We must break out from our blindness and become the servant children we are called to be.  To borrow from a recent event here in Edmond:  A local church minister has been black balled from fellowshipping with the churches of Christ [you can read about it here] for trivialities!  In all honesty, I would welcome the excommunication just to show these people how foolish they are.  Just one last point:  Name one major church reformer who was not rejected by the church leaders.  You'd think we'd learn by now.  To iterate Mark Twain:  "Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."

I pray that we all may come to better appreciate our Father.  And in doing so, let us grow up to a passionate maturity with a strength of heart and soul that burns just to see the slightest work of his hand.  Then, we just might begin to understand each other.

My Honor Is My Life,

-Sword

Fateful or Faithful

I wonder, what kind of a God do I serve?    I was told once: "It rains on the just and the unjust".  That really doesn't help my situation.  I am a passionate person.  There are those who would disagree with me, however.  And they are right, of sorts.  I am not very overt.  I prefer to avoid conflict, and thus have a gentleness of speech and character.  But I am still passionate.  And that's my problem: I love.

I've recently come to the conclusion that I love too much.  I love too hard.  I love too easily.  If you give me a chance, I will love you.  I always thought that as a servant of my God and my fellow man, that is what I was supposed to do.  Just hold that thought a moment.

I am currently a junior in college, persuing a major that I hate, yet cannot change, for various reasons.  I long to be a writer and a vocalist.  I long to love, and be loved.  Most of my college life is spent starting at the bloody computer screen designing circuits or writing programs.  And that is why I hate my major.  It forces me to be a calm and docile individual with no desires or ambition besides climbing the ladder to the top of Coporate America. [Funny thought(1)  Corporate America: The Beaurecratic Justice League?  I can just imagine buisnessmen scrambling to a meeting wearing tight spandex and masks...hilarity ensues.]  I however, have no desire to be a cookie cutter'd bible thumpin' average American with 2.5 kids and 60k a year.  I want adventure! [which is why I just packed up and started driving this afternoon].  Maybe it comes from my idealism, but I believe that this kind of life exists.  I have to believe that I can be who I feel I am called to be.  Yet my life seems to dictate otherwise.

I was raised church of Christ.  Therefore, I have 'known' God all my life.  I have only recently, however, come to understand how much of a Father he truly is.  My heart desires to do what he would have me do, and therefore, I follow what it tells me to do.  I believe that God inspires within us the flame that guides us to who we really are.  Granted, there are times when my heart leads me astray, but God has always intervened and pushed me back onto the path again.  Yet...now, here, at college, it's as if the training wheels have suddenly been removed.  I feel on my own.  I no longer feel his presence.  In fact, I feel very little, but that is another discussion.  My question for this post then is this:  What kind of a God would have me persue a career I loathe?  What kind of a God would inspire within intense desires that will never be fulfilled, only teased?  I do not understand, yet I still believe.  For without belief, I am nothing.

This post is more fragmented then a detonated grenade, so I am going to leave it at that tonight.  It is late, and I will lie down again and try to quiet my heart long enough to sleep for a few desperate hours.  Mayhaps I'll dream of Freckles.  I only pray that she is dreaming of me as well.

My Honor Is My Life,

-Sword

So this is where the answer lies?

I am certain that this blog will find very few viewers, and of course, that matters little to me.  I write because I must.  If I do not put thought to paper [or in this case electrical impulse to data registry] I feel that I will continue on in my forlorn anguish.  For those that do read this, perhaps my heresy may shed light on your own questions.  This first post is merely an introduction to who I am and what this blog will be, so feel free to scim, skip, scan, sequence or otherwise set aside as long as you continue the alleteration.

About myself:
As you can see from my email and my user name, I'm SwordofTruth412[@gmail.com].  But you may call me Sword.  Or Bishop, because I like the name.  I like ellipses...brackets, poetry, literature, music and song writing.  And that's enough on this episode of 20 questions.  To summarize me more, here's a bit from my Facebook profile.

If I call my self a righteous man am I conceded? If I tell you that I desire to be a hero, to someone, somehow, what would you think of me? What if I told you that I want to do  something with my talents? That I have a calling for something greater than just being alive? There is something greater than just existing. And that is who I am. I am a Son of God. That's more than enough.

About the blog:
Writing to me is an emotional activity.  I write because my heart cries out for me to do so.  Hyperbole is a wonderful and horrid method that my soul uses to express what it feels and believes, so take what I say with a grain of salt if it makes you cock an eyebrow.  And feel free to ask questions.  Just don't get an attitude!  I'm the only one allowed to do that...

This blog will [hopefully] be a discussion of theology, love, religion, and life.  However, I'm certain other stuff will be thrown in as well.  I don't really feel like jumping on a particularly impressive topic right now, so I'll actually start this whole thing next time.